the fundamental difference between men and women October 30, 2008

here is an excerpt of a conversation i had with a friend. it kinda knocked my socks off, how much we THINK we know about the opposite sex, only to be proven WRONG time and again. This was the man she dated for about a year, and she’s telling me about the last conversation they had:

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her: “he’s seeing someone. super religious. so he basically isn’t going to get any. and he tells me now that he has her, he wants me, but if he had me, he’d want her”

her: and he asks if wanna hook up still

me: !!!!!!!!!

her: he’s trying to use me

me: what the crippity crap?!

her: so i tell him hell no and i say, can you even attempt to be decent to this girl you’re dating?
and get this he says “like you really care about her. you don’t even know her.”

her: “well, i know how to be a DECENT person! and i know i wouldn’t want anyone doing this to me”
he says “you’re right.. you’re a nice person. but hey, just wanted to put it out there. if you change your mind, i’m totally up for it.”

that’s when i knew i despised him.

the converstaion we last had was so messed up
i told him i didnt wanna be friends anymore

her: and he was like “no! don’t do that, that’ll make me want you even more”

her: he wants what he can’t have.

me: wtf is WRONG with guys?!?!?

her: then he said, “maybe you want guys you can’t have either, that’s why you like me”

and i said “no, i don’t have problems like you do”

-–

Is it always about sex with guys? sex and the chase? Seriously? This is someone he cried over, someone he said he could see himself marrying, degrading her to a useless “friend with benefits.” she was so shocked, because he literally was the most decent guy she had ever met, with strong morals and genuine care for others. but apparently he showed a whole different side of himself once they broke up.

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it scares me that people can be so different than how they portray themselves. i’m so honest and in your face about who i am that i never stop to think that people around me could be creating personas left and right.

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i’m just wondering if men and women will ever want the same things. It’s so easy to say that the spark is what drew you to someone, but what about after that? After you find out that that person is NOT who you thought they were? Do you dismiss the spark, or do you simply fall victim to “you can’t help who you love”? I don’t get it, love is so illogical.

second date and random musings October 29, 2008

so, the second date is set ! We’re meeting for dinner on Saturday. i gotta say, I am consistently impressed by his choices.

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i may be new to this whole dating thing, but so far i’m loving dating!

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on a totally different note, i was watching a reality show tonight (i won’t say which one, as it is possibly one of THE most shameful ones to admit to liking!), and i thought about what it takes to be on a reality show. they’d probably cast me because of my love for disclosing. doesn’t matter if you want to hear it or not, cause when i feel like sharing, i’m gonna share.

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and then there’s the crying. in times of persistent stress, i tend to get a little over-sensitive. things that normally wouldn’t ruffle me seem like huge, massive insults or frustrations. and seeing as how most of these reality shows are so manipulative, catty, and stressful, i’d be crying. all. the. time. like that one guy on project runway who cried during every judges’ panel? that’d be me. and lord knows when i watch these shows and see them crying, i’m quick to judge. and producers love getting that strong love-or-hate reaction from the audience. it’s like production gold when you have someone mouthy, manipulative, and someone whose floodgates are permanently triggered by the slightest breeze. add a sad, sob story of a past, and voila! instant reality show genius!

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anyway, more updates to come after the second date, obvs. since our first date was relatively short, i kinda wonder if this date will be a bit longer…

awkward encounter #2 October 27, 2008

Sooo, in this post, i mention how great i am at getting into, and perpetuating, awkward moments. today, that little diddy replayed itself in my life, but with different lead characters.

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i was in the supermarket (WHYYYYY do these awkward moments always happen in the market?) after a double duty day of 8 hours of work and 3 hours of class, so i was a little in beta (aka low-functioning) mode. i was picking up avocados and squeezing them to see which ones were ripe when i heard a familiar, slightly nasal voice call out to someone nearby. i look up and almost dropped my avocado. it was my friend, too blond nick!

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too blond nick was this guy i met in my first year of undergrad. he and i lived on the same floor first year, and then during the rest of undergrad, i always managed to run into him over and over. after graduation, though, it was like he fell off the face of the earth. i literally had been thinking about him lately like CRAZY, and my curiosity heightened even more when i met a friend of his (who i never met in college) who was still in contact with him and let me know that too blond nick was still in town!

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i did everything i could think to resurrect him from the dead; facebooked, texted, emailed, but it was literally like he disappeared. but today, i literally ran into him over the avocados and it was so crazy! in any normal situation, i woulda hugged the fella and gone on chatting and chatting for as long as my breath was still going…but his wife was looming in the distance, shooting off some mean “back up off my man, bitch!” vibes.

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and so it was awkward. like, BIG time awkward. it was like seeing a long-lost sibling and not being able to hug them. and we both stood there, me with my avocados in hand and him with a loaf of bread, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while his wife laser-eyed me from a near distance. and the conversation that i wanted to have; the one where i updated him on my life, on how i had met some people recently who he knew, of how i hadn’t had wahoos since that time he and i went, could never happen while his wife stood awkwardly by.

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so i guess it was more tragic than awkward…but let me tell you, in the moment, it FELT extremely awkward.

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how i became a hoarder October 27, 2008

i’m one of five kids in my family. being the middle child has always been an easy role for me. by the time my younger brothers came along, i was sick of being the youngest child. however, living in a tiny house with five siblings, in the lower-to-middle class range, meant we had to hoard our goods if we didn’t want someone else to touch it/eat it/steal “borrow” it, etc.

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this kind of hoarder behavior became almost a survival tactic. throughout our childhoods, my sisters and i would instinctively grab something our parents brought home (food, gifts, toys, new crayons – nothing was out of the question!) and stash it away like squirrels stashing nuts for the coming winter…or something.

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it was only natural that when removed from my home setting, a place where i spent 18 years of my life, and into the first year of on-campus housing my freshman year, my vise-like grip on all things “mine” would need to be adjusted. i shared my snacks, i let my roommate borrow my art supplies, i was going strong. and then it happened.

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i came back one night after a long day of classes, unlocked our door, and found my roommate on the floor, on MY side of the room, with MY (clean) pillow under her head, asleep on the (DIRTY!!) ground with the TV blaring. the tv normally faces her side of the room, since she was there more often than i was, so the fact that it was turned towards my side was odd already. but the fact that she was passed out for some reason, under my bed (my bed was raised so there was a good 3.5 feet under there), with my pillow under her head seemed to trigger some kind of primal instinct in me to go apeshit.

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i get all territorial when it comes to my bed, especially when it comes to the cleanliness of my bed. i know it sounds crazy, but i don’t like it when people put their feet on my bed and they’re wearing the shoes they’ve been stomping around on all day, outside, on the dirty ground where they might have stepped on dog crap, gum, etc. i am a night shower kind of gal, and love getting all lotioned up and then slipping into nice, crisp, clean sheets and drifting off into peaceful sleep.

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so my first instinct was to screech “what are you DOING?!” her eyes shot open, and she had a look of complete terror. i mean, i guess i DID startle her out of slumber, but hey, she was USING MY CLEAN PILLOW ON THE FLOOR!

she sits up, asking “what? what’s going on? what happened?”

“why the hell are you using my pillow when you have a perfectly good one on your bed?! and why are you on the FLOOR with it?!??!”

*silence*

“well?!”

she gets up, guilty, and kind of brushes off my pillow and sets it BACK on my bed, thus enraging me even more! She did NOT just put my once-clean (but now disgusting) pillow back on my clean bed! i spent a good 10 minutes incredulously firing questions at her, demanding to know why she would do such a thing. her response? a shrug, followed by “i didn’t think it was that big a deal.”

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yes, i admit that it was crazy and neurotic and a tad overdramatic, but i was young and had lived 18 years of my life in a house where you had to claim your stake. we made nice after that, but i always secretly arranged my pillows in a manner that would tip me off if she ever decided to pull a stunt like that again

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anyway, that long story brings me to the reason for this post. i thought that a good, solid 8 years after moving out of my parents’ house, i would have kicked my hoarding habits. i’ve managed to share my belongings openly with people, even money. i’m what some would describe as a “saver.” you know, for those weird times when things happen like you need to replace all four tires on your car and you don’t have the money to pay for it? i vowed that that would never be me. as a child, i remember my dad being unemployed for a period, and that was the hardest time of my young life. so i became this crazy avid saver, slowly building up my “money cushion.” anyway, that just goes to show how open i am to sharing, since the money i earn is basically the closest thing to me i could offer to others, besides an internal organ.

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but last night, i had a dream that one of my office-mates was in my office, using my computer and casually browsing through my files. my personal files. i went completely batshit crazy on him. this guy has also been somewhat of a pain in my side since he’s one of those people who ALWAYS NEED ATTENTION. i guess my persnickety attitude towards all things “mine” also include my validation of your actions. i don’t give validation for you just being alive, and you should quit asking me to. i unleashed my fury, demanding to know why he couldn’t use his own computer and getting more and more irate as he refused to leave my office. he’s one of those guys who is optimistic, even when others are angry at him, and it’s infuriating. why couldn’t he tell that my death glares were NOT friendly and that he should scat from my desk immediately?!

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i woke up in such a rage and ready to spit fire…and then started laughing at myself. why was i even dreaming about hoarding?? it was so random! and yes, this co-worker is kind of annoying in a harmless way, but i doubt he’d ever loiter in my office without my being present. it was just so absurd.

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every once in a while, i’ll catch myself still doing hoard-ish things for no apparent reason besides the fact that old habits die hard. the office is a prime place for my hoarding ways; there is always chocolate lying around. i don’t even LIKE chocolate, but i’ll find myself sneaking that one mini snickers away from the pile and stowing it in my middle/food drawer, just in case i ever want it.

dating in the 21st century October 22, 2008

my big thing about dating in the 21st century is that you can find out so much about people now before ever even meeting them. and along with that comes the judgments, opinions, and pre-conceived notions. now, i understand that if you post anything online, even if it is “private” or “confidential,” it never really is. but is the age of information becoming TOO informative? now you can find out virtually ANYTHING about a person online, and i’m not sure i like that. i’m not a very secretive person, but do i want others who might date me to judge me based on something i wrote when i was 21 and in a tizzy over something (and perhaps not so eloquent in expressing my anger)?

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it’s weird to jump back into dating, when i’ve taken a hiatus for so long. i’ve never really been a “dater,” i’m quite horrible at it. there’s so much pressure, so much uncertainty, so many expectations. it’s like once night hits, the rules for dating are 200x more important! i’m much more of an “afternoon out” kind of girl, where we can hang out in the park, take a walk, have some coffee, and just talk. a “date” date has so much pressure attached that it’s not even fun anymore.

i’d date him… October 19, 2008

okay, so i know i tagged this as dating, even though it’s so clearly NOT about dating…but heck, if a guy slapped on a diaper, strung a guitar across his chest, and crooned about making things “berrar,” i’d date him!

….maybe.  as long as he didn’t really NEED the diaper, that is

dolphins at play October 18, 2008

so yesterday my friend taylor sends me a chat that says “check your email, i sent you a video i took at work today.”  i jokingly ask “is it of my future husband?” (taylor always falls victim to it has the privilege of listening to my dating woes, so i figured i might as well toss it in there ) it wasn’t, but what he sent was almost as good!

check it out!

i wish my job was 1/8 as cool as his…

“I Have a Girlfriend” October 17, 2008

From Sex and the City:

Charlotte: He should’ve mentioned her earlier.
Samantha: But not too early. I hate it when men do that. “I have a girlfriend.” Calm down, I just asked if that seat was taken!

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I’ve never really had the case where a man will randomly spout out that they have a girlfriend, but i did come across a strange encounter the other day. it was so weird that i had to put it out there. during one of the many interviews i’ve been conducting in the past two weeks, this guy kept tossing out the fact that he had a girlfriend.

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now don’t get me wrong: once or twice would have been fine, especially if in those instances, she had something to do with the question that was being asked. but he just kept referring to his girlfriend OVER and OVERRRR during the interview at random moments, so much so that i had to take a step back (mentally) and wonder if i was sending him some kind of weird, screaming message that i was interested without even knowing it. i totally wasn’t doing anything much besides sitting there like a sleep-deprived zombie (hey, it was 8am in the morning and i had a late class the night before!!), but couldn’t help wondering if he thought i was interested because of the way he was acting. maybe he mistook my zombified stare for a look of longing and adoration?

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and it wasn’t like it was just me who was in the interview! there was another man interviewing with me, as well, so i was doing a lot of casual observing and note-taking, but not a lot of talking. after the interview, the other interviewer said “he’s a smooth card, eh?” and then i REALLY began to wonder if i was subconsciously drooling and not even realizing it…but then he mentioned the fact that the guy brought up his girlfriend A LOT, and how it was kind of unnecessary…and i felt a little better about it all. it wasn’t just me who thought the gf talk was a little excessive. and besides, who brings up their girlfriend (mulllltiple times) in an INTERVIEW?? Isn’t the whole point of an interview to sell yourself?

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maybe i’m just a hater because i don’t have some guy out there randomly bringing me up (excessively) during interviews

making awkwardness an art form October 15, 2008

today i ran into a boy i’d been crushing on for a while at the super market, and it was nice to see him. i always kind of *hope* to run into him at the store, especially because i know we both live about the same distance from that particular market, but it’s never actually happened until today.

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of course i didn’t stop to think that i looked like CRAP since i had just come out of an hour-long, heated yoga class, sporting the sweaty workout ‘do and probably some mean under-eye black smudges (who has time to remove makeup after work before yoga??), before i opened my fat trap and shouted “Jason!”

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oops, too late to take it back now! he moseyed over and gave me a hug (a one-armed, side hug…he might as well have punched me in the face twice ) and we made small talk.

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this was when he glanced down and i was completely embarrassed because of my overhaul of junk food. i mean, i had fruit and healthy stuff in there…they were just hidden by the top layer of junk! he asked me what i had and i HAD to confess that yes, that WAS indeed a cream cheese coffee cake i had sitting in my basket.

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as we were parting ways, we did the awkward shuffle, where we both kind of went in for a hug but then decided against it…at different times. to the innocent bystander, it would have looked like the “dance of the uncertain introverts,” each one not sure if they should go in for the kill. in other words, i’m sure it looked
every bit as awkward as it felt.

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moral of the story: i think i win the award for the most perpetually awkward impressions made over the length of a friendship. ask anyone. i could just be meeting you, have known you for a year, or known you for ten years; i’d still have the mad skeelz to make you feel that shifty little pit of uneasiness and wonderment in a situation that you’d rather not be in.

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looking back, i think i’m probably the worst person to work with in terms of signals. i never seem to get it until after the situation has passed. he asked me which way i was going in the supermarket, and instead of making SOMETHING (for the love of God, ANYTHING!!!) up so i could traipse through the produce section with him, i muttered “oh, i’m already done.”

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i know, i know. what the crap, right?? had i been more adept at picking up signals and less concerned about smiling at him like a buffoon, we might have happily shopped our little hearts away, slapping melons together (what, that’s how you pick melons, right?? ) and inspecting the apples for bruises.

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but alas, if i was that skilled, maybe i’d already have a boyfriend.

cut the crap October 14, 2008

you know, as someone who spends most of her workday reading other people’s essays, proposals, and personal statements, i like to think i’m pretty deft at detecting the crap. i can smell the stink in an essay two lines into it. that’s why i’m so critical when it comes to reviewing online profiles that men “jazz up” to seem more interesting.

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let’s face it, we ALL have great personalities, love to travel, and have friends who will attest to our ability to juggle seven balls, do a one-handed cartwheel, bake a cake, help an old lady across the street, and donate to charity all at the same time. no really. just ask the friends!

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i mean, honestly. who’s going to write “i’m a socially stunted, emotionally crippled man/woman in a dead-end job still living in my parents’ house,” even if it IS the truth?

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and this is why i’m so skeptical of online dating sites. people are SHADY! i hate false advertising. Don’t claim to be something you’re not! but there also exists the possibility that the person is a very good writer, but dullsville, USA in person. that’s not their fault, but it is still tragic.

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yes, there are people out there who are fabulous but who just don’t have the time to meet people (*ahem* like yours truly ), but they’re rare. and nothing in my profile is false, “doctored” to sound better, or misleading.

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the jury’s still out on whether or not i will take this online dating thing seriously. maybe if i knew couples that resulted from meeting online (and they actually lasted), i’d be less hesitant. but i’m still not sure…

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oh, one final word on the topic of instantaneous judgment of online profiles. i WILL judge you if you can’t spell “hiking” correctly, just as you will judge me for not being a 5′11″ blond barbie. that’s just the way things roll.