post-Thanksgiving ponderings November 30, 2008

so, as the long weekend slowly winds down, i’m left in the wake of my guilty, mashed potato-induced lethargy.  it’s been a weird week, to be honest.  i have been consistently emailing this guy back and forth for about two weeks, and we were supposed to meet the wednesday before thanksgiving, but we never did meet up.  in fact, i still haven’t heard from him via email or phone since Tuesday afternoon.  even though the emails were pretty consistent (multiple emails a day, always lengthy and witty, each one showing more and more interest), part of me is getting ready to cast this guy into the “never hear from him again” files.

—

the thing that i can’t shake, though, is how real this guy seemed.  i mean, i know you’re thinking: how much can you REALLY know from 20 something emails and a phone conversation, right?  but why would he put so much effort into responding (and responding quickly, for that matter) and writing such lengthy, interesting emails?  i got the guy’s full name, i googled him, he existed all over the internet as a “not creepy loner guy,” so what gives?

—

part of me is wondering if maybe he suffered some horrible accident Tuesday night that rendered him unable to pick up the phone or power up the old laptop?  and then the other part of me wonders: what if he just didn’t bother to call?  no reason, no nothing.  isn’t it too early for the ambivalence?  i mean, if we make plans to meet up and you’re already pulling a no-show without any reason, that can’t be a good sign.  and, if that IS the case, do i just accept the fact that he didn’t call and decide to give him another chance when he decides he wants to meet up?  ahhh, the question marks of the dating world.

—

yes, he hasn’t called.  but neither have i.  and really, i don’t think it should be my job to call at this point.  i called wednesday when i thought we were supposed to meet and left a message asking if he still wanted to meet.  i also texted, just in case he was stuck in a meeting at work and couldn’t call.  the ball is clearly in his court now.  i refuse to be one of those clingy, desperate girls who calls every two seconds until she gets an answer.  i’m just not hardwired to be that kind of girl; i’m the complete antithesis of needy.

—

so now i wait.  i won’t call, i won’t email, i just wait.  and if i don’t hear from him, so be it.  such a shame, though, because he had so much potential.

—

and then there was the OTHER guy who WASN’T so high on the “strong possibilities” list.  i get a random text from him the other night that said “what are you up to?”  i tell him i’m about to go to bed, since it’s 11pm and I have an early day.  His response was “A better idea would be to come run naked with me in the rain.”

—

.what.

—

I did NOT know this guy well enough for him to be making jokes like that.  in fact, i found his persistent texts and his inability to listen to what i was really saying a little annoying and exhausting.  like one time, i was babysitting, and told him i was doing so and that the baby was really crying and being fussy, and his response was “have you ever heard vinyl on an actual record player?”

—

-pause-

—

oooookay.  i decide to ignore the text because 1)the baby in my arms was screaming directly into my left ear and 2)what the crap did that have to do with crap??

—

this weekend has given me a lot of time to look over assignments i’d been putting off, but now i’m left with the guy quandary.  i guess more answers are to come.  hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving!

the things you learn on a random outing with friends November 24, 2008

this past weekend, a few friends and I headed north to one of their parents’ house. he was supposed to dog-sit for his parents who were out of town, so the rest of us jumped in the car with him and headed out. it was definitely an interesting journey, the kind you never expect to have, but often find yourself engaged in when out with good friends.

—

let me preface this by saying that i’m what some might classify as an “over sharer.” actually, i’m more of an “over asker” rather than an over sharer. i’m a curious person by nature, so if i am around those i trust, i tend to let the gauntlet of “interesting” questions come out. i love being around people who aren’t put off by this, but who are, in fact, compelled to ask an “interesting” question themselves after my question, thus, perpetuating the cycle of knowledge

—

so we’re in the car and on the way to the parental units house when my we get on the subject of significant others. quirks, likes, dislikes, etc. we mulled over each topic, and somehow or other, we began discussing the way you clasp hands. you know how, if you’re just sitting there waiting for something, you sometimes have the tendency to clasp your hands together? everyone in the car, except for one of my friends, clasped their hands so that the top thumb is the left-hand thumb. that led to the topic of hand holding with a significant other. most of the people in the car were girls, and every one of us agreed that it was odd to be the arm on top/in front (aka the “dominant arm”).

—

the driver (and the only guy) was willing to play along when we each made him hold our hands to see which “clasp” worked best between a girl and a guy.   the funny thing was, i used to have a bit of a crush on him, too, so holding his hand was like a flashback to the good ole days i’m not sure when i grew out of the crush, but somewhere along the line i began to realize that i was sometimes embarrassed by him when we were out in public. not necessarily like i didn’t want to be seen with him or anything, but certain ways he reacted to things would kind of make me cringe a little. i think i’m so “others” focused that i am always bracing for the reaction of others. i don’t think this would necessarily cause my crush to diminish; i think it was more the fact that he wasn’t interested in me…

—

anyway, so we strolled up to the restaurant hand-in-hand, and i remember thinking “hey, this isn’t so bad.” and then i moved on. or, so i thought.

—

lunch was filled with some of the most hilarious conversation i’ve had in ages.  we discussed the fact that men “man-scape” up north and down south and how girls vary in their waxing preferences.  from the landing strip, to the full brazilian, to the overgrown jungle (a la natural),  women and men both are taking some pretty similar steps in the same direction.  could it be that men and women have finally begun to stride in unison?!  unheard of!   i found out the “maintenance preference” for every single person there, including the guy!!  so much i did NOT know about my friends before!

—

personally, i never saw the point in a landing strip.  if a guy or girl needs a landing strip to find the location of where they’re going, that is a sad, sad sign, my friends.  conversely, if the guy or girl has trouble “locating the docking station,” then it’s a sign that a little home maintenance might do a person some good, no?  that’s just my two cents…

—

anyway, we get to his place, where we encounter the most playful dog known to man. i think it’s weird that when i see a guy in a family-type setting, i start to dig them a little more. like, i love dads who are super playful with their kids. i love guys who will walk a dog. i love guys who do the little things like clean a gutter without complaining. family-type settings. the funny thing is, i’m not even sure i want kids, but the fact that they can do these types of things gives them a few extra brownie points in my book.

—

he was super playful and cute with his dog, and i was starting to worry that the crush i buried was starting to bubble up again.  when we all went to the dog park, there were several times where he looked at me and i had to quickly glance away, lest i show any sign of interest in my eyes.  he wasn’t even looking at me in that way, but i was still careful to shield my eyes with my sunglasses.  is that silly?

—

in any case, i know that my rush of affection was mainly just from seeing him in a different light – i’m sure they don’t really mean anything.  but it’s just interesting to think that these little flutterings of feelings i thought i outgrew could creep back out when i least expected it!

In Over My Head November 21, 2008

so i kept telling myself that i was done with online searches. the paid sites were getting me nowhere, the free sites were getting me nowhere…i was done! but i couldn’t stop looking. it was like a bad car accident that people drive past and have to look at. oddly enough, when i drive past bad accidents, i can’t look. but with the dating sites (and i use that term loosely), i’m like a junkie who needs her fix. most of the time i just look for a quiet chuckle. it’s amazing what people will advertise. it’s also interesting what people will have as their username. i’m sorry, but if your username has the words “killer,” “killa,” “bomb,” or “machete,” it’s safe to say i won’t be responding to your emails.

—

however, i’ve recently gone into overdrive with the browsing, and even sent out a couple of emails. i usually don’t reach out unless i can find out more about the person through my trusty little search engine (google <3), but i decided to bite the bullet and just reach out to the people that sound interesting, google search be damned.

—

the good: i’ve gotten a LOT of positive feedback from people.  the bad?  this has led to an increase in emails and correspondence in my life.  so much so that i’m finding myself, for the first time ever, unable to answer all my emails.  it’s like adding another full time job on top of my full time job and school!  there just simply isn’t enough time to get to them all!  and then i feel guilty for not getting back to them because i always try to respond to my email pretty quickly.

—

on top of that, this week has been so  busy and work-filled for me that i haven’t had the chance to just chill and unwind at all.  now i’ve got several people asking if i want to go out this weekend and i might just have to say no.  it’s funny how timing and i are never on the same side.  when i wanted to go out, nobody was free.  now that i’m so busy i can barely breathe, everyone is asking for time.

—

i guess i did it to myself by diving back into the online world, but perhaps these people will be willing to wait.  besides, what’s the fun in rush-rush dating, right?

a dash of humor November 13, 2008

so i’ve decided to stop sippin’ on the “haterade” and post something i saw on CL that was actually funny! i know, i know…took me long enough Enjoy!

—

To the Woman I Hurled a Beer at From Our Party Balcony

It was a week ago. A Thursday night, if I recall correctly. I had ingested several gin and tonics, and was enjoying a PBR and a cig on the balcony overlooking Montezuma. I saw you, and I decided that you were, hands down the hottest woman I’ve ever encountered. To be honest, I have a weakness for skinny chicks with glasses. I yelled at you, to get your attention. When my gorilla-like utterances failed to get but a glance, I determined an alternate, more radical course of action was necessary. In my diluted state of mind, I decided that it would be a magnificent idea to hurl my 3/4-full can of PBR at you. My aim was surprisingly good, and for a while it appeared that you were doomed: I had thrown downward from the third story. However, to my surprise and glee, you caught the can, demonstrating speed a ninja would envy. Then you proceeded to down the whole thing in a breath and crush the empty can with one hand. Needless to say, I climaxed. I was literally incapacitated for around thirty seconds, whilst you disappeared. When I came to, I realized you were gone so I cried and vomited on my shoes.

Please respond, if you are out there. I love you more than anything in the world, even though we’ve never met.

Wow me with your werrrrds November 12, 2008

So…i should probably just re-name this site to “the many reasons i will never do online dating.”  just because i’m NOT looking for someone online doesn’t i’ve curbed my obsession with reading online profiles.  today, i went to my latest fave: craigslist.  i had been casually checking the site out, and then started to notice some trends.

—

trend 1 = people who post multiple posts in one day.
I get that sometimes people post every other day or so, but multiple times in a day is just a little excessive, isn’t it?  and each time they re-post, the profile changes just a wee bit, but still comes across with the same message.  And then there are the ones that completely change.  Which brings me to trend 2.

—

trend 2 = people who change their profiles to make themselves seem more appealing.
i saw one guy post his profile so many different ways, but with the same pictures and a word changed here or there, that it just kind of made me sad.  what about the poor girl who stumbles across profile change #57 and thinks she’s met “the one,” but the wise reader (*ahem* me!) knows that that person has obsessively tweaked their profile more times than a junky takes a hit?  this one guy who i guess wasn’t getting any responses completely changed his profile to say that he was an out-of-towner who didn’t know English and was looking to make American friends.  iiiiinteresting.  because just a few posts before that, he was speaking perfect english and using some pretty derogatory language.  i guess he figured out women don’t respond positively to that.  hmmm, go figure

—

trend 3 = the guys who want it all.
everyone deserves the best.  but i don’t get guys who have all these CRAZY restrictions and expectations.  For example, I took this one right off good ole CL: “You need to be slim (i.e. dress size of 8 or less; probably less and as you’re busty the lower part of your body is probably less than a dress size 8 . .. some special exceptions apply if you’re slender and really busty . .. dress size 8 is pretty much the limit unless you have some very special exception and being big boned doesn’t count. HA!) with good skin, good teeth and a very pretty face. Your hair color is optional. Your legs should be shapely. Bonus if long. Flat tummy. Nice bone structure all around. Thin back with the spinal bone showing is a bonus. Shapely ass. Race optional but white or white-looking is preferred.” It’s like he wants a barbie, basically.

—

i hate to be a negative nelly, but maybe their high expectations are the reason they’re single…i mean, this guy didn’t even post his picture.  10 to 1 says he isn’t even cute enough to be as demanding as he is.

—

so i guess it comes down to me being a skeptic about the honesty and crassness of men, and these ads aren’t helping the cause.  the funny thing is, the two men i met from online sites were completely honest about everything.  but i’m beginning to think i lucked out, and there are a lot more smarmy folks in the world than i originally thought.

just a peek, i swear! November 7, 2008

so even though i’ve decided that online dating is not for me right now, i can’t help but keep conducting “research” on the types of men who post on these dating sites.  i’m CONSTANTLY flabbergasted at the stuff people put out there – no, seriously. open invitations for one night stands, men who have girlfriends out of town and want someone to cheat with them (ahem, pardon me but WHAT THE CRAP?!), people who are looking for “a NSA (no strings attached) night of fun.”

—

…this isn’t what “looking for love” has been reduced to, has it??

—

it seems the more access people have to the site (aka: FREE), the more brazen (or should i say cheap? har har) the ads get. for example; when i did my research on a paid site, it was all pretty legit. everyone on there was genuinely trying to find someone they connect with. my second site was a “look for free, but pay to connect” site. sure, a few guys who were soliciting “nocturnal events” slipped by, but the majority of the guys on there were not faking.

—

and then there was the FREEST of sites. craigslist. ahhhhh, craigslist. you can obtain an apartment, furniture to go in that apartment, cars, books, and a job, all while “looking for love,” as well!

—

i opened up the page, not really sure what to expect. i got my answer soon enough. ad after ad, the ones i browsed were straight up looking for f*** buddies. i mean, really. i guess i applaud their honesty, but does this really work for them? i can’t imagine many women who would go for that…

—

then there were the guys who spout on and on about how rich they are. is this how you want to get a girl, with your money? cause that’s like a speed pass to the “gold digger” valley. and then in your ad, you mention your wealth, but then say that you don’t want women to fall for you just because of your wealth. then why put it in the ad?? if you REALLY didn’t want someone to date you because of your money, don’t make it the first thing that they know about you!

—

and then there are the pictures. oh, my…the pictures. it’s weird, the pictures that guys will post. i mean, yes, maybe i don’t look great in 100% (or even 20% of my pictures, if we’re being honest), but that’s why i don’t post the ugg-o pics. but guys post these pictures with surly, sour faces, or just a picture of their abs (with their faces cut off! again, is a girl going to fall for you without seeing your face and just your abs??), or pictures of other *ahem* nether-regions. that’s right, folks. i’ve seen quite a few “mr. peepers” make their debuts on good ole craigslist. yikes!

—

and then there are the people who call themselves attractive or cute. SO MANY! don’t get me wrong, i applaud people who have some healthy self-esteem. but isn’t the cute factor supposed to be determined by someone else? shouldn’t you let the reader judge for themselves?  i sent one of the particularly jarring pictures i stumbled upon to my friend, who responded with “He looks like a bastard child of Wentworth Miller and Pinky from Animaniacs.  Why so forlorn, lonely boy?”

+    = 

i mean, sure, his body is good…but the awkward head tilt (that’s somewhere in between “i could kick your ass if you look at me cross-eyed” and “no, really, i can hold you when you cry”), plus the shameless shirtless factor, plus the dumbo-proportionate ears that are MAGNIFIED by the head tilt, plus the fact that he’s probably grabbing his crotch juuuuust below the picture cut off all add up to creepy.  and what’s with the head tilt + mad dogging combo?  is that supposed to be attractive?

—

i guess i’m just not one of those people who would start an ad with any of the following words: “sexy,” “gorgeous,” “hot,” “beautiful” or “stunning.”  have i ever been called these things?  sure.  but i’m not taking one person’s opinion and betting that everyone feels the same!

—

i guess what i’m trying to say is to those who may have been blowing sunshine up my ass all those years when i was younger: a big, gigantic thank you. while i do appreciate brutal honesty now that i’ve got a one-way ticket to “over-the-hill,” i understand that the sunshine you were creating was so critical to me in those early, formative years where my self-esteem was hanging on by a thread.

—

and should i ever decide to go back to online dating, may i never post an ad proclaiming to the world that i am anything but what i am.  amen.

semi-awkward encounter #3 – election edition! November 4, 2008

so today is election day.  if you voted, proudly sport your “i voted” sticker and receive the free goodies being tossed at you from every food and beverage company you could think of (krispy kreme, starbucks, and ben and jerry’s, to name a few).  if you didn’t vote, what are you waiting for??  GO VOTE!!

—

i thought i’d outsmart the masses and beat the crowds by getting to my polling place by 7:15am.  i dutifully stood in line, with my little sample ballot book and mentally zoned out (hey, it was early, i didn’t need to be my usual engaging self!).  there were a good 20 or so people ahead of me, but definitely not the 2 hour disaster/wait i had the last time i voted.  i get to the little reception table after about 20 minutes of waiting in line and hand the volunteer (who looked like she belonged in high school and had the attitude to match…) my information.  she thumbs through the bajillion pages of names they have, scratches her head, and flips through the booklet again.  she stops mid-flip and looks at my information again, and then goes “oh, you’re actually at the wrong place.”

—

what.

—

“surely there must be a mistake.  isn’t this *****?”

“yes, but that’s actually over there, just across the street.”

D’oh!

—

feeling like the biggest geek that ever graced the earth, i hustle over to the other polling place, only to stand in line for another 30 minutes.  i gotta say, i was somewhat comforted by the fact that i saw several people in line who were at the originally at the other polling place, as well.  although, this time was kinda nice.  why, you ask?  enter: cute man waiting to vote, stage left!  well, actually, i guess it was ME entering stage left, technically, since he was already in line when i got there.

—

he strikes up a conversation and we talk about politics, propositions, and my failed attempt at beating the masses.  we agreed on a lot of the issues, and i even found out that he donated to the person i was voting for.  the time passes way too quickly and before you know it, we’re at the check-in table already.

—

i was trying to be subtle and ask for his name, but then the volunteer at the table started asking him for his ID and I lost my nerve.  i couldn’t pick up a guy at a polling place!  that’s like picking up a guy at a funeral…or something equally as awkward.  so i was going through my ballot at breakneck speed (i mean, i was already educated on the propositions and the people i wanted to vote for) to try to catch up with my cute voter, but he must have slipped out while i had my head down, madly filling in bubbles.

—

another opportunity missed.  i swear, my timing is like 10 beats behind everyone else’s.  although, i suppose if he had been interested, he would have waited for me.  so i’m not that heartbroken about it.  but it was definitely a semi-awkward encounter.  whoda thunk it?  meeting some cute while in the line to vote.  ahhh, democracy 

sap-tastic November 3, 2008

let me just start by saying that i am not a mushy person.  sure, i’m tickled when someone goes out of their way and does something sweet for me, but i’m honestly just not used to it.  in high school, i had to TELL my boyfriend over and over that i didn’t want anything because he kept saying he didn’t know what to get me for my birthday.  it go so bad that i finally just told him to get me a single flower.

—

I really like this orange-y red flower, but didn’t know the exact name of it, so i just told him to get me an orange rose.

—

he ended up getting me an orange daisy…

—

it’s not that he didn’t try, but it was just so odd that he went for a completely different flower.  and that was the general way every other relationship i had went.  sweet attempts at affection that were probably borrowed from past relationships because they were never quite something i liked.

—

other than that foibled high school attempt, i’ve never really had a guy who went out of his way to surprise me.  so tonight, when i was stumbled across this show that was doing a special on surprise engagements, i had to admit that my curiosity was piqued.

—

this guy flew his girlfriend out to paris for a “vacation,” and planned this crazy elaborate proposal.  he knew her so well; he knew she would want a private proposal, he knew her dresses hadn’t been tailored yet so he brought it to get tailored without her knowing it, and then he flew her whole family out there and didn’t tell her.  on the way to the cathedral, she started crying because she wanted her family to be there to see her get married.  as they got closer to the cathedral, she spotted her waving family and started crying even harder.

—

it was so amazing how much he just got her.  if i met a guy who could make me cry that much with his sweetness (rather than by being a jerk or a d-bag), i’d marry him in a heartbeat.  but maybe that’s WHY i haven’t met that guy yet – i’m NOT ready to marry.  But i guess they say when you meet the one, you’ll know.  as for now, i maintain that i’m not ready.

—

and it’s not like i’m unrealistic and think that EVERY guy is like the guy on that show.  in fact, i know most guys AREN’T like that guy on the show, and i wouldn’t expect them to be.  but i can’t help but hope to inspire that kind of love and affection in another person one day; where they know me so well inside and out, where their simple gestures can move me to tears, where they know when i’m having a bad day and can instantly make it better just by being there.

—

okay, okay….sap-tastic post over!  over and out. 

online dating – not for me November 2, 2008

so i did some research, and i’ve decided that i’m not ready for the online dating world.  the two guys i’d met online were looking hard for “the one.”  they had the “first dates for life” mentality; going on numerous dates a week, shuffling through girls every day.  And even though i THOUGHT i was looking for someone, too, i was wrong.  i mean, i AM looking, but i’m not looking to settle down just yet.  and it took me until today to realize that ALL the guys online past the age of 30 are looking for THE ONE, no exceptions.  and the guys who are my age don’t have their stuff together enough to garner my interest, so i’m taking a break from the online world.

—

besides, i’m so busy i really can’t even handle my own schedule, let alone coordinating to make dates with someone else’s schedule.

—

so i bid adieu to the online dating world for now.  who knows, perhaps i will venture back on it at a later time.  but for now, no mas.