so i’ve decided to stop sippin’ on the “haterade” and post something i saw on CL that was actually funny! 
i know, i know…took me long enough 
Enjoy!
—
To the Woman I Hurled a Beer at From Our Party Balcony
It was a week ago. A Thursday night, if I recall correctly. I had ingested several gin and tonics, and was enjoying a PBR and a cig on the balcony overlooking Montezuma. I saw you, and I decided that you were, hands down the hottest woman I’ve ever encountered. To be honest, I have a weakness for skinny chicks with glasses. I yelled at you, to get your attention. When my gorilla-like utterances failed to get but a glance, I determined an alternate, more radical course of action was necessary. In my diluted state of mind, I decided that it would be a magnificent idea to hurl my 3/4-full can of PBR at you. My aim was surprisingly good, and for a while it appeared that you were doomed: I had thrown downward from the third story. However, to my surprise and glee, you caught the can, demonstrating speed a ninja would envy. Then you proceeded to down the whole thing in a breath and crush the empty can with one hand. Needless to say, I climaxed. I was literally incapacitated for around thirty seconds, whilst you disappeared. When I came to, I realized you were gone so I cried and vomited on my shoes.
Please respond, if you are out there. I love you more than anything in the world, even though we’ve never met.
