remember when you were a kid and time seemed to last soooo long. a day, an hour, heck, even sitting still for 10 minutes seemed like an eternity. now that i’m all “growed up,” it seems that time has given me the proverbial middle finger. i blink and the day is gone. i never did gracefully grasp the fact that time is now on crack and operating at triple speed. now, i have even more reason to be at odds with time. or, rather, my latest beef with time has to do with timing. it is NEVER the right time for me.
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the last three guys i started to date all mentioned something about timing. the first one said that if he had met me at a different time, we would have dated and probably dated quite a while, but he just wasn’t in the place to date just for the sake of dating. he was on the marriage track (in general, not with me), and i wasn’t.
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the second one had started seeing someone the same time he started seeing me, which i was completely fine with. timing (the little bitch), though, was not on my side for this one, either. apparently they progressed a lot faster than he and i did, and they decided to be exclusive, which left me in the dust. i remember when he told me in person, and i felt like all the blood drained from my face and my mouth spontaneously went dry. i couldn’t look him in the eye for the fear that he’d see the sheer disappointment, and it took all that i had in me to tell him that it was decent of him to tell me in person. it WAS decent of him to tell me in person, but that didn’t change the fact that it hurt or that it was happening all over again. i’ve learned that they have since split, which is a little odd since they JUST started really dating.
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and now the most recent case of timing screwing me over. i recently started talking to a guy who i really thought had potential. we sent emails back and forth all day long, and they weren’t just quick little one- or two-liners. we’re talking lengthy emails with page after page of details, questions, and flirty but tasteful banter. phone conversations were equally fun, and i began thinking what fun it would be to go out with this guy. and then thanksgiving happened. apparently he ran into his ex-girlfriend who he really loved, and they’re “seeing what happens.” i guess the only reason they broke up was because they both were moving, and now they’re both back in the same city. how luuuuuuuuuuucky for me. when he told me, i literally felt my heart stop for a few seconds. i couldn’t believe it was happening to me again. i just sat there, numb and unresponsive for about 10 minutes.
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i remain friends with all these guys, but i wonder if it’s bad to do so? will i be cast into the friend zone forever once i get there, never to enter back into the realm of “possible dating partner”? i’m still in disbelief that yet another time, timing has given me the big, fat shaft. i guess it’s back to the search for me…
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