limbo December 8, 2008

it seems i will never truly find my footing in the dating world. i heard back from the guy, but it is still a big, fat question mark. he and his ex are supposed to talk some time this week to figure out what is going on. he and i have been talking almost every day since he told me about her, and it’s been really good. but there is still the chance that he and his ex will decide to work things out. it’s definitely not fun, being in this “wait and see” stage. he did clear some things up and gave me some hope, though. he mentioned that he’s definitely guarded with her, and he heard that she cheated on him when they were together, so he needs to find out for sure before he can move on.

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but i know how it goes with exes. you can’t help but WANT to forgive, sometimes, just because of the history you have with them. for some people, history is good enough to overshadow all the bad. i’ve expressed all these concerns with him, since i feel there is no need to be dishonest at this point. all i’ve got going for me is that i am honest, and that he genuinely seems interested, at least. he said to me: “I don’t know what it is about you. at the risk of scaring you off…i’m super attracted to you.” so, either he really is interested, or he’s really good at faking it and is just trying to gather a crowd of admirers. the weird thing is, i also find myself super attracted to him, even though i’m usually pretty guarded. i mean, i fall fast, but i don’t usually fall hard quickly. ugh, it’s all so confusing!

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isn’t it funny, the way attraction works? sometimes it’s just something beyond your force or control. there may be people you’d give the world to, but they don’t feel a damn thing for you. and then there are those who want something with you, and you never see it happening. with him, i finally felt like there was a mutual, reciprocal attraction for once….and then the ex stepped back into the picture. gah! it’s so frustrating.

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oh yeah, did i mention his ex got breast enhancements after they broke up? yeeeeah. i don’t know if my “winning personality” is a match for a giant set of (fake) double Ds. i hate girls who get boob jobs. i knew a girl who got them at my old job and she was the most fake woman ever. i think it speaks volumes about a girl’s character if she needs a set of fake boobs to feel good about herself (excluding cancer patients).

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more when i hear how their talk went….keep your fingers crossed for me!

awkward encounter #2 October 27, 2008

Sooo, in this post, i mention how great i am at getting into, and perpetuating, awkward moments. today, that little diddy replayed itself in my life, but with different lead characters.

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i was in the supermarket (WHYYYYY do these awkward moments always happen in the market?) after a double duty day of 8 hours of work and 3 hours of class, so i was a little in beta (aka low-functioning) mode. i was picking up avocados and squeezing them to see which ones were ripe when i heard a familiar, slightly nasal voice call out to someone nearby. i look up and almost dropped my avocado. it was my friend, too blond nick!

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too blond nick was this guy i met in my first year of undergrad. he and i lived on the same floor first year, and then during the rest of undergrad, i always managed to run into him over and over. after graduation, though, it was like he fell off the face of the earth. i literally had been thinking about him lately like CRAZY, and my curiosity heightened even more when i met a friend of his (who i never met in college) who was still in contact with him and let me know that too blond nick was still in town!

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i did everything i could think to resurrect him from the dead; facebooked, texted, emailed, but it was literally like he disappeared. but today, i literally ran into him over the avocados and it was so crazy! in any normal situation, i woulda hugged the fella and gone on chatting and chatting for as long as my breath was still going…but his wife was looming in the distance, shooting off some mean “back up off my man, bitch!” vibes.

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and so it was awkward. like, BIG time awkward. it was like seeing a long-lost sibling and not being able to hug them. and we both stood there, me with my avocados in hand and him with a loaf of bread, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while his wife laser-eyed me from a near distance. and the conversation that i wanted to have; the one where i updated him on my life, on how i had met some people recently who he knew, of how i hadn’t had wahoos since that time he and i went, could never happen while his wife stood awkwardly by.

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so i guess it was more tragic than awkward…but let me tell you, in the moment, it FELT extremely awkward.

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