awkward encounter #2 October 27, 2008

Sooo, in this post, i mention how great i am at getting into, and perpetuating, awkward moments. today, that little diddy replayed itself in my life, but with different lead characters.

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i was in the supermarket (WHYYYYY do these awkward moments always happen in the market?) after a double duty day of 8 hours of work and 3 hours of class, so i was a little in beta (aka low-functioning) mode. i was picking up avocados and squeezing them to see which ones were ripe when i heard a familiar, slightly nasal voice call out to someone nearby. i look up and almost dropped my avocado. it was my friend, too blond nick!

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too blond nick was this guy i met in my first year of undergrad. he and i lived on the same floor first year, and then during the rest of undergrad, i always managed to run into him over and over. after graduation, though, it was like he fell off the face of the earth. i literally had been thinking about him lately like CRAZY, and my curiosity heightened even more when i met a friend of his (who i never met in college) who was still in contact with him and let me know that too blond nick was still in town!

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i did everything i could think to resurrect him from the dead; facebooked, texted, emailed, but it was literally like he disappeared. but today, i literally ran into him over the avocados and it was so crazy! in any normal situation, i woulda hugged the fella and gone on chatting and chatting for as long as my breath was still going…but his wife was looming in the distance, shooting off some mean “back up off my man, bitch!” vibes.

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and so it was awkward. like, BIG time awkward. it was like seeing a long-lost sibling and not being able to hug them. and we both stood there, me with my avocados in hand and him with a loaf of bread, awkwardly shifting from foot to foot while his wife laser-eyed me from a near distance. and the conversation that i wanted to have; the one where i updated him on my life, on how i had met some people recently who he knew, of how i hadn’t had wahoos since that time he and i went, could never happen while his wife stood awkwardly by.

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so i guess it was more tragic than awkward…but let me tell you, in the moment, it FELT extremely awkward.

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making awkwardness an art form October 15, 2008

today i ran into a boy i’d been crushing on for a while at the super market, and it was nice to see him. i always kind of *hope* to run into him at the store, especially because i know we both live about the same distance from that particular market, but it’s never actually happened until today.

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of course i didn’t stop to think that i looked like CRAP since i had just come out of an hour-long, heated yoga class, sporting the sweaty workout ‘do and probably some mean under-eye black smudges (who has time to remove makeup after work before yoga??), before i opened my fat trap and shouted “Jason!”

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oops, too late to take it back now! he moseyed over and gave me a hug (a one-armed, side hug…he might as well have punched me in the face twice ) and we made small talk.

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this was when he glanced down and i was completely embarrassed because of my overhaul of junk food. i mean, i had fruit and healthy stuff in there…they were just hidden by the top layer of junk! he asked me what i had and i HAD to confess that yes, that WAS indeed a cream cheese coffee cake i had sitting in my basket.

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as we were parting ways, we did the awkward shuffle, where we both kind of went in for a hug but then decided against it…at different times. to the innocent bystander, it would have looked like the “dance of the uncertain introverts,” each one not sure if they should go in for the kill. in other words, i’m sure it looked
every bit as awkward as it felt.

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moral of the story: i think i win the award for the most perpetually awkward impressions made over the length of a friendship. ask anyone. i could just be meeting you, have known you for a year, or known you for ten years; i’d still have the mad skeelz to make you feel that shifty little pit of uneasiness and wonderment in a situation that you’d rather not be in.

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looking back, i think i’m probably the worst person to work with in terms of signals. i never seem to get it until after the situation has passed. he asked me which way i was going in the supermarket, and instead of making SOMETHING (for the love of God, ANYTHING!!!) up so i could traipse through the produce section with him, i muttered “oh, i’m already done.”

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i know, i know. what the crap, right?? had i been more adept at picking up signals and less concerned about smiling at him like a buffoon, we might have happily shopped our little hearts away, slapping melons together (what, that’s how you pick melons, right?? ) and inspecting the apples for bruises.

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but alas, if i was that skilled, maybe i’d already have a boyfriend.