just a peek, i swear! November 7, 2008

so even though i’ve decided that online dating is not for me right now, i can’t help but keep conducting “research” on the types of men who post on these dating sites.  i’m CONSTANTLY flabbergasted at the stuff people put out there – no, seriously. open invitations for one night stands, men who have girlfriends out of town and want someone to cheat with them (ahem, pardon me but WHAT THE CRAP?!), people who are looking for “a NSA (no strings attached) night of fun.”

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…this isn’t what “looking for love” has been reduced to, has it??

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it seems the more access people have to the site (aka: FREE), the more brazen (or should i say cheap? har har) the ads get. for example; when i did my research on a paid site, it was all pretty legit. everyone on there was genuinely trying to find someone they connect with. my second site was a “look for free, but pay to connect” site. sure, a few guys who were soliciting “nocturnal events” slipped by, but the majority of the guys on there were not faking.

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and then there was the FREEST of sites. craigslist. ahhhhh, craigslist. you can obtain an apartment, furniture to go in that apartment, cars, books, and a job, all while “looking for love,” as well!

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i opened up the page, not really sure what to expect. i got my answer soon enough. ad after ad, the ones i browsed were straight up looking for f*** buddies. i mean, really. i guess i applaud their honesty, but does this really work for them? i can’t imagine many women who would go for that…

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then there were the guys who spout on and on about how rich they are. is this how you want to get a girl, with your money? cause that’s like a speed pass to the “gold digger” valley. and then in your ad, you mention your wealth, but then say that you don’t want women to fall for you just because of your wealth. then why put it in the ad?? if you REALLY didn’t want someone to date you because of your money, don’t make it the first thing that they know about you!

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and then there are the pictures. oh, my…the pictures. it’s weird, the pictures that guys will post. i mean, yes, maybe i don’t look great in 100% (or even 20% of my pictures, if we’re being honest), but that’s why i don’t post the ugg-o pics. but guys post these pictures with surly, sour faces, or just a picture of their abs (with their faces cut off! again, is a girl going to fall for you without seeing your face and just your abs??), or pictures of other *ahem* nether-regions. that’s right, folks. i’ve seen quite a few “mr. peepers” make their debuts on good ole craigslist. yikes!

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and then there are the people who call themselves attractive or cute. SO MANY! don’t get me wrong, i applaud people who have some healthy self-esteem. but isn’t the cute factor supposed to be determined by someone else? shouldn’t you let the reader judge for themselves?  i sent one of the particularly jarring pictures i stumbled upon to my friend, who responded with “He looks like a bastard child of Wentworth Miller and Pinky from Animaniacs.  Why so forlorn, lonely boy?”

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i mean, sure, his body is good…but the awkward head tilt (that’s somewhere in between “i could kick your ass if you look at me cross-eyed” and “no, really, i can hold you when you cry”), plus the shameless shirtless factor, plus the dumbo-proportionate ears that are MAGNIFIED by the head tilt, plus the fact that he’s probably grabbing his crotch juuuuust below the picture cut off all add up to creepy.  and what’s with the head tilt + mad dogging combo?  is that supposed to be attractive?

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i guess i’m just not one of those people who would start an ad with any of the following words: “sexy,” “gorgeous,” “hot,” “beautiful” or “stunning.”  have i ever been called these things?  sure.  but i’m not taking one person’s opinion and betting that everyone feels the same!

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i guess what i’m trying to say is to those who may have been blowing sunshine up my ass all those years when i was younger: a big, gigantic thank you. while i do appreciate brutal honesty now that i’ve got a one-way ticket to “over-the-hill,” i understand that the sunshine you were creating was so critical to me in those early, formative years where my self-esteem was hanging on by a thread.

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and should i ever decide to go back to online dating, may i never post an ad proclaiming to the world that i am anything but what i am.  amen.

the fundamental difference between men and women October 30, 2008

here is an excerpt of a conversation i had with a friend. it kinda knocked my socks off, how much we THINK we know about the opposite sex, only to be proven WRONG time and again. This was the man she dated for about a year, and she’s telling me about the last conversation they had:

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her: “he’s seeing someone. super religious. so he basically isn’t going to get any. and he tells me now that he has her, he wants me, but if he had me, he’d want her”

her: and he asks if wanna hook up still

me: !!!!!!!!!

her: he’s trying to use me

me: what the crippity crap?!

her: so i tell him hell no and i say, can you even attempt to be decent to this girl you’re dating?
and get this he says “like you really care about her. you don’t even know her.”

her: “well, i know how to be a DECENT person! and i know i wouldn’t want anyone doing this to me”
he says “you’re right.. you’re a nice person. but hey, just wanted to put it out there. if you change your mind, i’m totally up for it.”

that’s when i knew i despised him.

the converstaion we last had was so messed up
i told him i didnt wanna be friends anymore

her: and he was like “no! don’t do that, that’ll make me want you even more”

her: he wants what he can’t have.

me: wtf is WRONG with guys?!?!?

her: then he said, “maybe you want guys you can’t have either, that’s why you like me”

and i said “no, i don’t have problems like you do”

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Is it always about sex with guys? sex and the chase? Seriously? This is someone he cried over, someone he said he could see himself marrying, degrading her to a useless “friend with benefits.” she was so shocked, because he literally was the most decent guy she had ever met, with strong morals and genuine care for others. but apparently he showed a whole different side of himself once they broke up.

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it scares me that people can be so different than how they portray themselves. i’m so honest and in your face about who i am that i never stop to think that people around me could be creating personas left and right.

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i’m just wondering if men and women will ever want the same things. It’s so easy to say that the spark is what drew you to someone, but what about after that? After you find out that that person is NOT who you thought they were? Do you dismiss the spark, or do you simply fall victim to “you can’t help who you love”? I don’t get it, love is so illogical.