today i ran into a boy i’d been crushing on for a while at the super market, and it was nice to see him. i always kind of *hope* to run into him at the store, especially because i know we both live about the same distance from that particular market, but it’s never actually happened until today.
***
of course i didn’t stop to think that i looked like CRAP since i had just come out of an hour-long, heated yoga class, sporting the sweaty workout ‘do and probably some mean under-eye black smudges (who has time to remove makeup after work before yoga??), before i opened my fat trap and shouted “Jason!”
—-
oops, too late to take it back now! he moseyed over and gave me a hug (a one-armed, side hug…he might as well have punched me in the face twice 
) and we made small talk.
—
this was when he glanced down and i was completely embarrassed because of my overhaul of junk food. i mean, i had fruit and healthy stuff in there…they were just hidden by the top layer of junk! he asked me what i had and i HAD to confess that yes, that WAS indeed a cream cheese coffee cake i had sitting in my basket. 
—
as we were parting ways, we did the awkward shuffle, where we both kind of went in for a hug but then decided against it…at different times. to the innocent bystander, it would have looked like the “dance of the uncertain introverts,” each one not sure if they should go in for the kill. in other words, i’m sure it looked
every bit as awkward as it felt.
—
moral of the story: i think i win the award for the most perpetually awkward impressions made over the length of a friendship. ask anyone. i could just be meeting you, have known you for a year, or known you for ten years; i’d still have the mad skeelz to make you feel that shifty little pit of uneasiness and wonderment in a situation that you’d rather not be in.
—
looking back, i think i’m probably the worst person to work with in terms of signals. i never seem to get it until after the situation has passed. he asked me which way i was going in the supermarket, and instead of making SOMETHING (for the love of God, ANYTHING!!!) up so i could traipse through the produce section with him, i muttered “oh, i’m already done.”
—
i know, i know. what the crap, right?? had i been more adept at picking up signals and less concerned about smiling at him like a buffoon, we might have happily shopped our little hearts away, slapping melons together (what, that’s how you pick melons, right?? 
) and inspecting the apples for bruises.
—
but alas, if i was that skilled, maybe i’d already have a boyfriend. 
