just a peek, i swear! November 7, 2008

so even though i’ve decided that online dating is not for me right now, i can’t help but keep conducting “research” on the types of men who post on these dating sites.  i’m CONSTANTLY flabbergasted at the stuff people put out there – no, seriously. open invitations for one night stands, men who have girlfriends out of town and want someone to cheat with them (ahem, pardon me but WHAT THE CRAP?!), people who are looking for “a NSA (no strings attached) night of fun.”

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…this isn’t what “looking for love” has been reduced to, has it??

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it seems the more access people have to the site (aka: FREE), the more brazen (or should i say cheap? har har) the ads get. for example; when i did my research on a paid site, it was all pretty legit. everyone on there was genuinely trying to find someone they connect with. my second site was a “look for free, but pay to connect” site. sure, a few guys who were soliciting “nocturnal events” slipped by, but the majority of the guys on there were not faking.

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and then there was the FREEST of sites. craigslist. ahhhhh, craigslist. you can obtain an apartment, furniture to go in that apartment, cars, books, and a job, all while “looking for love,” as well!

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i opened up the page, not really sure what to expect. i got my answer soon enough. ad after ad, the ones i browsed were straight up looking for f*** buddies. i mean, really. i guess i applaud their honesty, but does this really work for them? i can’t imagine many women who would go for that…

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then there were the guys who spout on and on about how rich they are. is this how you want to get a girl, with your money? cause that’s like a speed pass to the “gold digger” valley. and then in your ad, you mention your wealth, but then say that you don’t want women to fall for you just because of your wealth. then why put it in the ad?? if you REALLY didn’t want someone to date you because of your money, don’t make it the first thing that they know about you!

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and then there are the pictures. oh, my…the pictures. it’s weird, the pictures that guys will post. i mean, yes, maybe i don’t look great in 100% (or even 20% of my pictures, if we’re being honest), but that’s why i don’t post the ugg-o pics. but guys post these pictures with surly, sour faces, or just a picture of their abs (with their faces cut off! again, is a girl going to fall for you without seeing your face and just your abs??), or pictures of other *ahem* nether-regions. that’s right, folks. i’ve seen quite a few “mr. peepers” make their debuts on good ole craigslist. yikes!

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and then there are the people who call themselves attractive or cute. SO MANY! don’t get me wrong, i applaud people who have some healthy self-esteem. but isn’t the cute factor supposed to be determined by someone else? shouldn’t you let the reader judge for themselves?  i sent one of the particularly jarring pictures i stumbled upon to my friend, who responded with “He looks like a bastard child of Wentworth Miller and Pinky from Animaniacs.  Why so forlorn, lonely boy?”

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i mean, sure, his body is good…but the awkward head tilt (that’s somewhere in between “i could kick your ass if you look at me cross-eyed” and “no, really, i can hold you when you cry”), plus the shameless shirtless factor, plus the dumbo-proportionate ears that are MAGNIFIED by the head tilt, plus the fact that he’s probably grabbing his crotch juuuuust below the picture cut off all add up to creepy.  and what’s with the head tilt + mad dogging combo?  is that supposed to be attractive?

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i guess i’m just not one of those people who would start an ad with any of the following words: “sexy,” “gorgeous,” “hot,” “beautiful” or “stunning.”  have i ever been called these things?  sure.  but i’m not taking one person’s opinion and betting that everyone feels the same!

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i guess what i’m trying to say is to those who may have been blowing sunshine up my ass all those years when i was younger: a big, gigantic thank you. while i do appreciate brutal honesty now that i’ve got a one-way ticket to “over-the-hill,” i understand that the sunshine you were creating was so critical to me in those early, formative years where my self-esteem was hanging on by a thread.

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and should i ever decide to go back to online dating, may i never post an ad proclaiming to the world that i am anything but what i am.  amen.

online dating – not for me November 2, 2008

so i did some research, and i’ve decided that i’m not ready for the online dating world.  the two guys i’d met online were looking hard for “the one.”  they had the “first dates for life” mentality; going on numerous dates a week, shuffling through girls every day.  And even though i THOUGHT i was looking for someone, too, i was wrong.  i mean, i AM looking, but i’m not looking to settle down just yet.  and it took me until today to realize that ALL the guys online past the age of 30 are looking for THE ONE, no exceptions.  and the guys who are my age don’t have their stuff together enough to garner my interest, so i’m taking a break from the online world.

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besides, i’m so busy i really can’t even handle my own schedule, let alone coordinating to make dates with someone else’s schedule.

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so i bid adieu to the online dating world for now.  who knows, perhaps i will venture back on it at a later time.  but for now, no mas.

cut the crap October 14, 2008

you know, as someone who spends most of her workday reading other people’s essays, proposals, and personal statements, i like to think i’m pretty deft at detecting the crap. i can smell the stink in an essay two lines into it. that’s why i’m so critical when it comes to reviewing online profiles that men “jazz up” to seem more interesting.

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let’s face it, we ALL have great personalities, love to travel, and have friends who will attest to our ability to juggle seven balls, do a one-handed cartwheel, bake a cake, help an old lady across the street, and donate to charity all at the same time. no really. just ask the friends!

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i mean, honestly. who’s going to write “i’m a socially stunted, emotionally crippled man/woman in a dead-end job still living in my parents’ house,” even if it IS the truth?

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and this is why i’m so skeptical of online dating sites. people are SHADY! i hate false advertising. Don’t claim to be something you’re not! but there also exists the possibility that the person is a very good writer, but dullsville, USA in person. that’s not their fault, but it is still tragic.

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yes, there are people out there who are fabulous but who just don’t have the time to meet people (*ahem* like yours truly ), but they’re rare. and nothing in my profile is false, “doctored” to sound better, or misleading.

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the jury’s still out on whether or not i will take this online dating thing seriously. maybe if i knew couples that resulted from meeting online (and they actually lasted), i’d be less hesitant. but i’m still not sure…

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oh, one final word on the topic of instantaneous judgment of online profiles. i WILL judge you if you can’t spell “hiking” correctly, just as you will judge me for not being a 5′11″ blond barbie. that’s just the way things roll.